balance work and family is a TOC After six appointments a month, we must admit that I often talk to my dentist that my spouse. Not that my marriage is in danger, but with over a hundred teeth under my responsibility, there is always one to care! Fortunately, I have a good dental insurance plan and I managed, somehow, to accept my life as a family waiting room.
I admit, this is an altogether relative calm, but calm nonetheless. In fact, if I had a complaint, rather it concerns women's magazines. No date they are all gone (though they are), but a trend emerges: they give us any tips and advice to improve the so-called work-life balance.
Hey oh! It's the stuff we know them to get organized! Proof, we managed to cram this 6 th appointment with the dentist! What mother does not know yet that we must prepare everything the night before, enjoy the weekend for cooking and above all, do not forget to leave the crockpot at dawn? Give me advice on balancing work and family is like saying "buy yourself a flower" to a suicidal!
My field experience of over 100 000 hours of "work-life balance" with four children told me that when one does not do what is necessary is that we are simply more capable. There. But then why do we still give us always provided advice?
Just because the balance between work and family became OCD group. Yes, yes, obsessive compulsive disorder, OCD.
I know, there is no good way to tell a child that Santa Claus does not exist, but it takes a day or another to face reality. Balancing work and family is a lie. Does not exist. Persist in denying it and you will develop you as an OCD!
To convince you, consider the example of a mother suffering from this disorder and are trying to deal with a psychological approach cognitive-behavioral.
In our patient, any unforeseen situation triggers an obsession - fear of not succeeding in balancing work and family - that caused her anxiety. To reduce the inner tension caused by this obsession, but in flipping through the tips and advice, where many women's magazines lying around in his bathroom and to do list on his fridge.
order not to compulsions in the tips and advice, we asked him to keep a logbook. This part of the therapy is intended to make him aware of his obsession and note its different interpretations.
It is 6 pm The coffee flows quietly and dinner already simmering. As expected, our patient has prepared her clothes and her children the night before. She has closely followed the family calendar and expects to arrive in advance of his meeting 9 am with the boss. She prepared lunches earlier this week and hired a housekeeper. The children have lunch in peace. She is very proud of her and her organization. It must be said that her husband is a very present father. Everything is fine.
Upon leaving, she seeks nervously mitt, the one with green peas. The clock is ticking, its smallest starting to get hot in his big coat. He begins to cry loudly. Meanwhile, the oldest watches her with wide eyes. He peed in his overalls winter. Alone. While she was changing and she seeks an old overalls in the cedar chest in the basement, the youngest to play back in his room. He does not want to go to daycare and is very angry for not calling her boots.
She feels she Petera soon the lead, but rather takes a deep breath. It breathes and breathes. When baby is finally strapped into his seat (she mentally notes that the harness is too tight), it finds the horrible stitch in her pantyhose. It is too visible, it will go to the pharmacy path.
It is now 8:30. In the best case, it is thirty minutes drive. Children are not always at the center and the car will soon want to gasoline. It will be late. Very late. So she decided to pull over to the side of the road to call his boss. This has changed the voice mail message - it is probably a good position for half an hour, him. As she explains it will once again be delayed, his older brother yells that his looks with bad eyes! She hangs up. This time, it is too! Hysterical, she shouts to the children to shut up and bursts into tears.
That's when she notices THE intrusive thought in his diary:
"I never manage to balance work and family! EVER! "
Then follows a series of catastrophic interpretations:
- " I'm going to quit my job. "
- "I am a bad mother. "
- " I'll be Fired! "
- " I need a holiday! "
- " How they do other mothers? "
- " I'll make a Burnout! "
- "I missed my kids! "
- " I am a failed! "
- " That's it, I'm crazy! "
If the idea of successfully balancing work and family did not exist, there would be no escalation of the anxiety thoughts. It seems that the poor woman just had a bad day. Because experienced mothers know that morning or a week is not successful result of good or poor organization. As proof, when children work together, the mood is that the electrical work and that person is sick, you're set. Not even need to make lunches the night before!
Ladies, have the honesty to tell new moms than 0-2 years, children in daycare are always sick. That we too, we have time off work. We had help, though mom, step-mom or super-nannies were there! Let cool to do the unspeakable and confess, stress, postpartum depression, ras-le-bowl spring. Let us be as frank enough to say that there is no miracle trick that does all this chaos for a time. And above all, say to them that balance work and family does not exist. When it goes wrong, it is unnecessary to search the storage unit perfect for hats and mittens in the IKEA catalog, cook one year in advance or to hire a coach in balancing work and family, the disruption part of family life and that humor is the best way not to let his skin.
The company needs realizable utopia, but it's not a crock that change the world! Balancing work and family is a social project. It is the responsibility of governments and employers. In a project of life leads straight to the psychiatrist's office!